2nd Amendment Software: a Modest Proposal

The Second Amendment to the United States of America Constitution: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

SECOND AMENDMENT SOFTWARE: A MODEST PROPOSAL
(First published in slightly altered form as a Facebook Note)

Proposed: That the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation devote their resources to reducing gun violence while preserving Second Amendment rights for all.

Now a thought experiment…

The above proposal is accepted, and all that money is thrown at The Problem. Software is developed that uses pattern recognition to find everything on earth that could possibly meet the criteria for being a gun. (This would require quite a bit of data mining and modern espionage, but you’d be amazed how cheap and legal that can be, given windborne surveillance devices, The Patriot Act, and other workarounds.) All the guns on Earth are identified and chiptagged via nanotechnology. Code is written that analyzes each gun’s destructive capability, and the least expensive means of rendering a particular gun harmless. The nanodrone magic wand is then waved, and the render-harmlessness begins: barrels are plugged, firing pins jimmied, safeties microwelded to permanent ON–or whatever else it takes. Second Amendment rights remain inviolate: by all means, keep and bear your now-useless arms. Try to render them unuseless, though, and the Dronomatic will kick back in.

So now the NRA tries to become the NBAAA (National Bow and Arrow Association). The drones go after the arrows. The NBAAA becomes the NKA (they didn’t like the baaing sound people were using to pronounce their name, anyway). Knives are rendered rubberized. The NKA goes back to being the NRA: National Rock Association. “OK, go ahead and throw rocks,” says the Foundation. But rock-throwers are identified and tagged, and their hands rendered 30-day gummy, necessitating assistance in certain private functions.

The day is coming, Good People! Hallelujah!

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2 comments
  1. It’s all there, the perfect solution. You can keep and bear arms, but not fire them. Now the right wing lawyers kick in and they ask the supreme court to define : Is a gun that can’t fire still a gun?

    • I’d love it if they’d conclude that Arms are the things attached to your shoulders.

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